The Lizard Brain Has Imposed a No-Fly Zone Over the Cerebral Cortex

What does the title mean?

Who knows?  Great title, though!

I’ve been thinking about Christmas gifts.

Mind you, this occurs despite the fact that here in Japan we have no equivalent to Black Friday, though unfortunately I’m afraid it’s coming.  Japan loves to imitate the U.S. and is about as materialistic and consumer-oriented a society possible.  I keep hearing about the “lagging economy” and give it much thought as I’m on a shuttle bus from a remote parking lot at the mall; because there are so many shoppers, they have to rent distant fields to find parking spaces for those of us who arrived late — that would be anytime more than five minutes after the stores have opened for business.

Last year, I went out on a limb in making a recommendation of a gift for the “person who has everything” — which is just about everybody with a credit card.  To put it mildly, what I personally thought was a great find — the Deluxe Home Lobotomy Kit from Black & Decker — drew a firestorm of criticism.

This stemmed not per se from the calming effects of the lobotomy itself, but from some of the side effects — the uncontrollable, steady drooling and the shameless fixation on genital areas, both those of the lobotomized and anyone in visual range.

Frankly, I recall seeing both of these annoying symptoms almost everywhere I went when I lived in America, and while I’m just ballparking it here, I’d say they afflict way beyond 50% of the population over 25.  It seems unlikely that all of these folks have been lobotomized, not surgically anyway.

But I can take criticism without getting all weepy.  So this year, while my recommendation is somewhat along the same lines, I’m confident that while still tuned into the needs of “people who have everything”, I’m  considerably more sensitive to the need to avoid embarrassing and unattractive side effects.

Along the same lines as a lobotomy?

Quite honestly, considering the abundance of entertainment, diversions, computer games, movies, music, videos, social sites, live shows, virtual shows, virtual reality, reality shows, and every conceivable form of spectacle, stimulation, illusion, fantasy, recreation, getaway, escape, meditation, discovery, rediscovery, relaxation, rejuvenation, regeneration, reboot, invention, reinvention, on and on, I’m genuinely astounded by how much disorientation, distemper, disorder, dismay, dysfunction, anxiety, and fitful frenzy appears to overwhelm the average person, just trying to make it from one end of the day to the other.

We’re talking . . . MAJOR STRESS!

I guess it could be that very abundance of so many ways to bludgeon the brain into being delighted which is the source of the problem.

That’s neither here nor there.  The result is the same.

People are desperate to deal with it and will go to great lengths to do so.  Just look at the opioid epidemic which the U.S. is now confronting.  It’s obvious all these addicts are not popping pills because of tennis elbow.

Which brings me to what I think may be the most ingenious gift anyone could buy for that someone “who has everything” — everything but peace of mind.

Mind you, it’s not available yet.  But it will be in time for Christmas.

So get out those smart phones, that credit card that isn’t over limit yet, and get ready to pre-order this amazing gift, because they’ll be going fast.

This year’s “boy-will-they-be-surprised!” gift recommendation from John Rachel . . .

THE DELUXE HOME ELECTRO-SHOCK THERAPY KIT!

And offering another clue why Jeff Bezos is now personally worth $100 billion, this unique and assuredly invaluable addition to the array of modern home appliances that every family simply must have is exclusively available from Amazon.

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  • Xiredfawks

    I’m ready, man, I’m ready (as I slobber and gaze at my genitals). How do I order?