Hello muddah
Hello faddah
Here I am at
Camp Grenada
I frequently find myself making a completely wrong assertion about America’s shameful, unbroken record of military defeats over the past seven decades. I keep saying America hasn’t won a war since World War II.
What I keep forgetting was our glorious and decisive victory over the fierce, determined bastion of leftist, socialist, communist rancor and filth __ the island nation of Grenada.
Using a lethal combination of the U.S. Army’s Rapid Deployment Force, U.S. Marines, our Army Delta Force, and the Navy SEALS, we kicked their commie asses! The campaign was called Operation Urgent Fury. It took only a few short weeks to bring this defiant hooligan nation to its knees. We hit them hard and hit them where it hurts by bombing a mental hospital and killing eighteen patients. That’s what they get for being crazy commies!
Grenada __ sneaky Bolshevists that they were __ tried to marginalize the magnitude and grandeur of our victory with an audacious, not to say bizarre, and in-the-end ineffective strategy. This unorthodox “curve ball” was that they had virtually no army, no navy, no air force, practically no military at all, to resist the conquering heroics of our fighting boys in uniform.
That’s right . . . they had only a handful of citizens in their military __ no Department of Defense, no military-industrial complex, no CIA, NSA, KGB. They didn’t even have a KFC!
They did have an excellent education system, a thriving economy with no unemployment, a decent and improving health care system, a bare minimum of wealth inequality. Typical of misguided socialist countries all across the globe, they believed in the laughably quaint idea that all of the citizens of their country should be treated well and have an equal share in the abundance created by their collective labors, love and concern for their fellow man.
Ha!
We fixed that!
The unions were “reorganized”, huge sections of the economy were privatized, assets were gobbled up by U.S. corporations. Now, under the guiding hand of a capitalist free market economy, and a puppet democracy which knows who is boss and takes its orders from the good old corporate state U S of A, unemployment hovers around 18%, poverty afflicts 32% of the population, the small manufacturing sector continues to shrink, tourism has been hobbled __ partly due to the enormous destruction of Hurricane Ivan in 2004 __ and inflation is upwards of 5%, offsetting the modest growth of the economy.
However, a genuinely outstanding thing happened as a result of our saving this struggling island nation from the scourge of socialism . . . and I would be remiss to not mention it.
Grenada now has a KFC!
In fact, it has two!
Which will be great for our American troops if we ever have to invade again.
I sincerely apologize to any of you readers out there who depend on me to be both truthful and accurate when recounting the achievements and challenges of our great nation. I hope the corrected record I have offered here serves to exonerate me, and I am forgiven by any who might have been been misled or misinformed by my oversight in the matter of America’s military prowess.
Go Team America!
Fuck yeah!
