Without a doubt, it is extremely difficult keeping up with the news. There’s so much happening everywhere on the international stage, it’s enough to make your head swim.
I’ve learned that it’s often necessary to go beyond what’s available from the usual news sources, to dig deep and explore alternative avenues for discovering what’s really going on behind-the-scenes. It’s hard work but at the end of the day quite rewarding. Because after getting ALL of the information that’s available through the miracle of the internet, everything starts to make sense. Many of the things which are on the surface puzzling suddenly become clear.
For example, why did Turkey shoot down the Russian SU-24 bomber?
President Erdogan initially claimed it was just a standard response to a pilot error.
I have discovered by using some of the same highly reliable “deep data” sources that our own CIA uses — Facebook and Twitter — the real reason the Russian plane was destroyed.
Turkey was protecting a Christmas ornament factory!
Here is one such facility in the town of Bidama, near the Turkish border. Look at how it was mercilessly bombed to rubble by the Russian air campaign.
Granted, the “whoops-sorry-about-that” official position of Turkey is plausible. After all, the U.S. military has had a few minor slip-ups itself — over a year ago by bombing a facility making the highly dubious claim it’s a hospital, then a few months ago killing members of the Syrian military in a bombing run. Gee, these things happen! Hey! Nothing is perfect. Haven’t we all had the tab break off a soda can making it nearly impossible to open?
But it wasn’t an impulsive or anomalous response when Turkey had its F-16s shoot down the Russian plane. Matter of fact, I’ve learned from deep sources right in the Middle East that Turkey’s entire military campaign on the Syrian-Turkey border is now dedicated to standing up to the attack Russia is mounting on our most holy — and most profitable — holiday of the year.
Yes, I am talking about . . . Vladimir Putin’s war on America’s Christmas!
Now I’m not saying I approve of crazy jihadists making money, even if it’s by manufacturing what have widely been judged to be the finest and most stunning Christmas ornaments available today.
Furthermore, it’s not at all consistent with our long-range intent — that of defeating terrorism — to have thousands of tons of contraband holiday decorations “smuggled” into Turkey, then shipped to America to be distributed to shopping malls from one end of the country to the other, so that rampaging bands of cutthroats and mad suicide bombers have the funding to buy even more weapons, ski masks, and SUVs.
But these are nice terrorists, as is evidenced by the excellent contribution they are making to the beauty of America’s Yuletide trimmings and overall good cheer.
So lighten up! It’s Christmas! Where’s your holiday spirit?
I can tell you where Vlad the Impaler’s holiday spirit is . . . at the end of a barrel!
While he would like to enjoy Christmas at the helm of a reconstituted Soviet Empire, with all his comrades sitting around a Christmas tree drinking vodka, or doing their trademark “gunslinger” strut across Russia’s newly-conquered vassal state of Crimea, he plans on us here in America being deprived of the beautiful holiday ornaments produced in villages of liberated Syrians, and sticking us with cheap, sweat-factory junk from China.
Yes! The plot thickens!
Like I said, spend a little time on the internet, and everything starts to make sense.
See, Putin and Xi Jinping are chums. And now we get to the whole truth behind Russia’s military campaign in the Middle East, and its alleged war on ISIS . . .
Russia is destroying the Christmas ornament factories in northern Syria of well-meaning and industrious entrepreneurs — jihadists who are America’s good buddies — to enhance its partnership with China. The endgame is that the Chinese will continue to monopolize the mistletoe-ornament-tinsel-manger-scene market and use the money to buy advanced new military weaponry from . . .
Who else?
Russia!
I have to hand it to Putin. He is one cagey character!
Or is that KGB character?
Press Release: National Council on Political Correctness
We are overjoyed at our recent success in getting Adventures of Huckleberry Finn banned from a Philadelphia school district. This overrated piece of racist trash by the self-indulgent literary hack, Mark Twain, deserves to be consigned to lining the bottom of a bird cage.
However, we are now privy to additional previously undetected attempts to subvert all of us, particularly the youth of this country, actually recruiting them while they’re young and impressionable into the ways of “gay sex” — though to be quite honest about it we can’t figure out how persons of the same gender rubbing their private parts together is in any way joyful.
Look at any biology book. What is the human species called? Homo sapiens! Well we really need to ask: If we’re HOMO sapiens, how did there get to be more than 7 billion of us? The council recently recommended that this term be replaced with hetero sapiens — as God intended it.
There are related sneak attacks. How about ‘HOMOgeneous’? Right! They slipped that in when we weren’t looking! The council is now deciding whether to replace this hideous bit of deviant brainwashing with either ‘sameogeneous’ or ‘uniformogeneous’.
It’s not just in the classroom that our children are being seduced into the evil cults of buggery and carpet munching.
What do they drink every day during lunch? HOMOgenized milk! Can you believe this? These perverts will stop at nothing! The council recommends replacing this phrase on all labels with the pleasant-sounding and benign ‘blendogenized milk’.
This conspiracy has spread like a silent disease through our whole culture. What about the word ‘ANALysis’? Pretty clever, eh? The council is in the process of replacing this hideous subversion of God’s perfect plan for proper sexual behavior. Leading the alternative terms currently under consideration are ‘examinalysis’ and ‘cogitalysis’. We’ll keep you posted.
Here’s one for the books. This bit of slime nearly got by us. What are apartment units which are sold for personal ownership called? CONDOMiniums! Can you believe it?
Granted, it’s pretty clever. Now personally, I’m for these fudgepackers covering their junk however they can — never know who’s standing next to you taking a wiz in the public john — but I sure as heck don’t want to be reminded of the sick shenanigans that goes on using these love gloves every time I drive down the street. Now every time I see one of “those” buildings, I can only picture rooms brimming with gallons of sperm.
There are countless other examples we could share. This press release, specifically timed for the most sacred holiday season of the year, is just to let all you good, God-fearing folks out there that we are, and certainly will continue to be, on the job stamping out decadence and perversion — particularly this new trend of “same sex” coupling — wherever we find it.
Remember . . . PC doesn’t just mean Politically Correct. It also stands for Personal Christ!
God bless you and God bless America!