Register your baby at toddlers-r-us.com!

Register your baby today at toddlers-r-us.com and they will send him or her a Visa card, a gift certificate for his/her first tattoo, and a trial membership with Groupon.

It’s never too early to get these little chunks of protoplasm acquainted with the exciting prospects of life as a consumer and a mindless participant in the distractions of modern life, I say.

Don’t you agree?