Santa May Be a Super Spreader!

With the recent discovery that an old favorite around this time of year, a man who children have always looked on with delight and expectation — yes, THAT bearded old white man in a red suit — has refused to be vaccinated or take a PCR test, alarm bells have gone off and warnings are being issued across the globe. Anthony Fauci and the CDC have led the media blitz with a press release which was stark and unambiguous:

SANTA CLAUS MAY BE A SUPER SPREADER!

As expected, the effervescent and unflappable ambassador of Christmas cheer just laughed off what he characterized as ad hominem nonsense and returned to the formidable task of fitting presents for 3 billion children in a sleigh that, to be blunt about it, has seen better days.

Speaking of which, Elon Musk — with the generosity that has been his hallmark in his rise to stardom in the public eye — offered Santa one of his Tesla Cybertrucks for this year’s orgy of free gifts, bestowed with profligacy and limited irony on the spoiled kids in the countries topping the OECD. Santa demurred, citing hundreds of years of tradition and enigmatically quoting what he claimed were canons from tracts of the Essenes.

Personally, I have no way to judge the cautionary alerts on Santa. Several commentators on Fox News claim that the surprise announcement is just another attack on Christmas by the Christian-hating atheistic left wing. Others think that like the media feeding frenzy around the omicron variant, this is just more much ado about nothing. There’s one contingent of what’s been dubbed the lunatic fringe which just posted this on their website with links to a controversial alternative media channel called OpEdNews:

“All of the official bloviating is self-contradictory. Simply stated, what the CDC and NIH are saying all fails the much-touted PCR test, which is comparing their fantastical musings to what Paul Craig Roberts has to say on the matter. You lose, Fauci and Gates. Roberts is how we determine who’s a ‘super spreader’ and who isn’t. If anything, the PCR says you guys test positive as super-spreaders of the BS virus.“

Whatever you personally decide, common sense should prevail. If a strange man appears in your living room, put on a mask and rubber gloves and ask to see some ID. If he checks out, that’s no excuse for flirting with death by hugging or kissing him. For sure, no tongues.