Octopuses are weird! Octopuses are creepy! The way they look. The way they move, slithering about frantically with those tentacles going in every direction, yet so frighteningly coordinated they promise to wrap up your head or face or limbs with slimy ropes, covered with suction cups ready to attach themselves in a slimy sucking unbreakable grip, then god knows what!
For some reason just hearing them mentioned, I used to immediately visualize giant octopuses enveloping ships and submarines, crushing them and drowning everyone aboard. I know that was 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, and Captain Nemo in a life-or-death struggle not with an octopus, but a giant squid. Whatever! Big ugly sea creature. Tentacles. Bad attitude. It’s all the same to me.
Understandably . . .
For at least six decades of my life, I never once thought about eating an octopus, or any part of one. I put them right in there with rats, earthworms, cockroaches, garden slugs, slime mold, the beating heart of another human, in the I’d-rather-starve-to-death folder.
But something completely unexpected then happened. I’m not sure of the exact date but it was sometime in 2008. What I do know for sure is that I tried octopus and loved it! Masumi took me to the 道頓堀 district in Osaka — literally octopus central here in the Land of the Rising Sun — famous for takoyaki [蛸焼] and other octopus treats. It was the early days of our dating, so I was completely taken with her and all she was teaching me about Japan, the cuisine and the culture. Next thing I know I was eating the weird, creepy creature, and I WAS HOOKED.
Years later, I had some friends visit Masumi and I from America, I was preparing dinner, and just as a courtesy I thought I should ask: “Are you guys okay with me putting octopus on your salad?” I’ll never forget their look! They did their best to hide it, but it was somewhere between or a combination of horror, disbelief, revulsion, and fight-or-flight. I was amused. Because I did and still do remember my initial reactions when somehow confronted with the prospect.
How things change!
I can honestly say that octopus is among my Top 20 favorite Japanese edibles. It’s comfortably in my Top 50 all-time favorite foods from across the entire globe, which includes such diverse items as T-bone steak, cookie dough ice cream, pizza, BLT and grilled cheese sandwiches, hot fudge sundaes, French onion soup, cheese enchiladas, licorice, seaweed and sea salt potato chips, butter pecan ice cream and coca-cola floats, bacon-avocado cheeseburgers, yellowtail sashimi, Korean barbecue, Chinese hot-and-sour soup . . . you get the idea.
Traveling the world and living full-time in a country as different from America as Japan surely is, has taught me to be very open-minded. Still . . . don’t ask me to eat fried grasshoppers or the beating heart of another human being. I have to draw the line somewhere.
Life In Japan: Rice Balls
When Americans need to eat on the fly, they grab a hamburger.
When Japanese need to eat on the fly, they grab a rice ball.
The basic rice ball — actually there are no fancy rice balls — costs around 98 yen [$0.68].
Hamburgers can of course be upgraded with an enormous array of options. In an upscale restaurant, they can be over $18.00, in that case with the hamburger experience significantly enhanced by having it delivered to your table — the one with a view of the city skyline — by a lovely waitress or handsome waiter, smiling ear-to-ear. Even at McDonald’s, a Double Bacon Quarter Pounder with cheese sets you back $6.99 [1005 yen]. The most basic hamburger at McDonald’s — meat and bun, no cheese — pictured above, is $1.59 [229 yen], almost 2 1/2 times what a rice ball costs.
Then again, you get a lot in an American hamburger that you don’t get in a Japanese rice ball. There’s the preservatives, the growth hormones, the antibiotics, the residues of pesticides and herbicides, the traces of antipsychotics, blood pressure modulators, sleep aids, cocaine, MDMA and other recreational drugs commonly found in the drinking water in the U.S., micro-plastics, maybe depleted uranium.
Both being fast foods, hamburgers and rice balls come ready to eat. Theoretically, you can start chomping them down as soon as you pay for them, right at the check-out counter. For certain, you can eat them in your car or even walking to your car.
Unwrapping them is slightly different. I’ve had friends back in the U.S. who actually don’t even bother unwrapping a McDonald’s hamburger. They eat the wrapping right along with the burger and say it tastes pretty much the same, nice and greasy.
Unwrapping the rice ball is a little more involved. Masumi patiently instructed me in what she calls the 1-2-3 method and with some practice, I managed to master it. Here it is . . .
Now as long as this went according to plan, the delicious rice ball is ready for consumption!
Every culture has its advantages and disadvantages. I really love a good hamburger but I was never convinced that McDonald’s hamburgers were actual food. A long long time ago, when I was a pimply 20-something musician, I confess to being hooked on Big Macs. I recall they tasted really good, especially sitting in a park listening to some other local band.
Nutritional advice was not so readily available back then, at least not to the dumb-downed public, of which I was a clueless member. The most profound meme — this was before the word ‘meme’ had even been invented — on eating was: ‘You are what you eat.’ Which was among the reasons I never ate truck tires or dog poop.
Now, everything you wanted to know and a lot you don’t want to know is available on the web. There are no excuses for the eating habits — and yes, they are habits — of people and countries.
I’m not going to preach. I’ll close by making a couple points . . .
First, the most delicious rice ball doesn’t come close to tasting as good as the most delicious hamburger. That’s just a reality.
Here’s another reality, a statistical reality.
The life expectancy in the U.S. is 76.1 and falling. The life expectancy in Japan is 85.0 and rising.
Conclusion: Choose what you eat as if your life depended on it.